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Why each needs a different parenting style

2021-11-02 00:00:00

Written by Marloes Dingemans

Did you think you had your parenting completely under control with your oldest, it turns out that this way of parenting does not work at all for your youngest. It seems obvious that the education of every child needs to be tailor-made, but it may not always be that easy. In this blog we give tips and share why it is important to treat and raise each child as a unique individual.

The definition of parenting is guiding your child in his or her development into someone who can independently participate in society. This is done by providing a safe environment, offering structure and instilling standards and values. In most cases this basis will be the same for all your children, but in addition it is important that you adapt the upbringing of each child to his or her unique person. After all, each child has different character traits. What can you do in parenting?

  • Do not compare your children with each other
    By comparing siblings, you can actually reinforce rivalry between children instead of encouraging children to modify behavior.  To encourage children, you can name specific behaviors and not pass judgment in them. For example, by saying: 'I see you haven't finished your plate yet, will you take a few more bites?' instead of saying 'Take an example from your brother, he has already finished his plate'.

  • Encourage self-confidence
    Your child does not have to be as good at sports or drawing as his brother or sister. Each child has their own qualities and develops at their own pace. As a parent, you can encourage your child by trying things, continuing to practice and by showing them that it is not bad to make mistakes. Create realistic expectations and let your child know that you are proud of him for who he is.


  • Avoid labeling your child
    When you talk about your child as "the clown" or "the sporty one," certain expectations about the child's (behavior) arise about themselves and with you as a parent. Your expectation about who your child is or how your child is supposed to be has a great influence on your child. This can lead to a selffulfilling prophecy because your child will also behave like this because it does not want to disappoint you. Also, 'labeling' can contribute to mutual jealousy.

 Always remember that no two children are alike. Even if they are brothers and sisters who have the same parents, grow up in the same house and go to the same school. They have their own place in the family, their own character, their own relationships with others and their own experiences gained. This makes each child a unique individual!